i’ve been bad at tumblr lately. i stopped needing it for awhile because i was busy//then when i got home, my friends stopped needing it because i was with them. not that anybody ‘needed’ my tumblr. but we all love the internet generally.

i started babysitting. i took my lil friend to hockey practice today and sat through it, in the same rink where my neck (maybe, possibly) got skated over in 1999 (inquire for details although if you are reading this, you probably know me, and then you surely know this story that probably didn’t happen).

i love watching little kids, because generally, they’re bad at everything, but they try so hard. so i was LOLing to myself for a long time, watching these little kids fall over outfitted in hXc hockey gear.

everyone thought i was a neglectful teen mom. everyone was a midwest hockey mom and/or a midwest hockey husband. and they kept saying things through the plexiglass to their 5 year old along the lines of “get in there!” or “i don’t want to see you lying out there on the ice!”

i hate sports a lot but i especially hate sports at that age. i don’t like that my little 5 year old friend is already being yelled at for not knowing how to skate backwards or that he’s being made to show up at an indoor ice rink that smells like salt and bo to learn something that he probably isn’t in love with. i hate that the moms and dads sitting in on the practice were already tittering (not twittering, those fucking lame-os) about who is good and who isn’t. 

and though i’m sort of very physically lazy, that’s not why i don’t like sports.i played soccer for a really long time and i was never good at it, so i sort of just worked really hard at practice and then sat on a bench at a competitive level. i hated it. i got a fucking SOCCER report card once and i wasn’t used to hard work not paying off and i got really PiZzEd and i quit and never really played a sport ever again.

sports ruin happy children. no kid ever wants to practice, and it’s not because they’re lazy, it’s because they don’t like being embarrassed in front of their peers by a coach who is 30 years past his/her halcyon days of athleticism. even 5 year olds can register this.

just let your children play wii or something if you want them to learn hand/eye coordination. or go swimming. i’m not sure why i’m doling out parenting advice (or i guess it’s chill, i’m teen mom) but the darien sportsplex is giving me the shiverssssssssss.