where archie was supposed to pick betty or veronica (not the recent one, like in 2001 probably), there’s an ultimate showdown.

it ends in “well, archie, which do you prefer, blondes or brunettes?”

and archie says, “neither. REDHEADS.”

CUE CHERYL BLOSSOM. 

well guess what. the second i got that archie in the mail (still surprised my mom let us get the subscriptions for betty and veronica, archie & friends, AND double digest) (nurturing sue), i flipped to the back page to see who he chose. i couldn’t handle the suspense. as soon as i saw blossom there, i knew something was up. i never liked cheryl.

my sister always liked cheryl the best because she was a total weirdo/asshole.

i liked betty because i liked to think i identified with her, even though i was like 8 years old and obviously not baking cookies only to be rejected by an archie-like male charactr in my life. still not doing that.

my brother liked reggie.

the punch line to 70% of all archie comics was either reggie getting a bucket of water on his head and jughead saying “you’re all wet” OR reggie falling out of a balloon basket and jughead saying “you’re full of hot air.”

both of these are jokes that didn’t really make sense to the millenials like me who read them. they harkened back to the golden days of archie, when my mom read them. ditto for archie’s “jalopy.” never had any idea what this word meant.

my parents kind of forgot to teach me how to read when i was little and i swear that even though i was in remedial reading (i was so haughty even as a six-year-old and very upset about this) and learning all these techniques all the time, nothing helped like archie comics did. because they had pictures of buckets of water and hot air balloons that lent visual clues to the letters i couldn’t make out.

these are my stray observations about archie